Divorce can be devastating for some and a relief for others. But no matter why the marriage failed, surviving a divorce is difficult in almost every way. Not only do you lose your marriage, it breaks the family apart as you see your dreams for the future fade away.
When the divorce is fraught with bitterness on either side, it continues to knock you down over and over. And there is the fear of the future and financial implications of starting again alone. It can send you into a deep depression but you have to hold it together to start a new life for you and the kids. You worry endlessly to the point where it is difficult to function.
Divorce is a vicious cycle as you continue to torture yourself over the situation and then bitterness can set in. The more you dwell on the past, the harder it becomes to recover and move on.
It takes courage and the ability to work hard mentally, emotionally and physically to get over your divorce to start a new life. Easier said than done! So, here are 17 tips to help you on the road to recovery.
1. Avoid being a victim
Avoid seeing yourself as a victim as it only makes the situation worse. It disempowers you. Change the way you see the situation and take responsibility for your part in the marriage breakdown. And you will feel more empowered.
2. It is alright to grieve
Showing yourself compassion means you can allow yourself to grieve for the loss of what once was and might have been. It is normal to feel sad about the loss of your relationship. But avoid focusing on what happened to break up your marriage. It will only stop you from recovering from your divorce.
3. Recovering is hard
Recovering from a divorce is hard on everyone in different ways. You know this because of the many songs, movies and books written about the heartache of losing the love you once had. Do not be hard on yourself. You will recover quicker when you show yourself compassion, while you come to terms with your loss and building a new life.
4. Choose a break up song
Choose a song or songs you relate to that gets you on your feet singing and dancing when things get tough. It may sound silly but it will motivate you and give you the strength to keep going. Think Someone like you by Adele or I will survive by Gloria Gaynor. Pick a few that really hit home in your heart and sing them at the top of your voice whenever things get tough. I promise you will feel better.
5. Seek help
A divorce is tough in many ways. Your emotions run wild, finances may be tight and you need to rebuild your life. When things get really tough, seek out help. Build a support network you can rely on to help get you through the tough time times while you recover.
6. Avoid living in the past
It is alright to want understand why your marriage failed. But you may torture yourself about what you should, could or would have done to keep the love alive and family together. You may even put all the blame on your ex-partner for everything that caused your failed marriage. Doing this keeps you living in the past. You cannot change it but you can learn valuable lessons about relationships that will help you in the future. Instead of thinking of yourself as a failure, learn the lessons to give you the confidence to rebuild your life.
7. Remove toxic people
Often your ex becomes toxic during a divorce and so do their supporters. Learn to remove or not to listen or spend time with these people for more peace of mind. You do not need them beating you up with their negativity. They are out to create drama from hatred so it is important for your sanity to remove toxic people from your life.
8. Change can bring great things
Embrace change. Do not fight it for it can bring great things into your life. By fighting change, you prolong the inevitable so make the most of it. Make your own decisions and choices. This does not mean you should hand your ex whatever they want. Let go of the things that do not really matter. They are not worth fighting over. Once you realise that change is inevitable, you can see this as a new beginning full of wonderful possibilities and everything will become a little easier.
9. Accept how you feel as normal
Accept your emotional ups and downs as normal when going through your divorce. How you are going to feel can be difficult to predict. No matter what you are going through, accept it as normal and that everyone goes through the same thing when a relationship breaks down. You are under a huge amount of stress but your emotions will eventually become easier to control.
10. Make the time to relax
It is important to take time out to relax. Divorce is such an incredibly difficult time that you need to make time to chill out every day. Listen to music, read a good book, have coffee with friends, watch a sunset at the beach, have a barbecue. It will leave you feeling rejuvenated and ready to face the world again.
11. Exercise regularly
Exercising regularly is a great way to deal with the stress and sad feelings of a divorce. It can be as simple as taking a stroll in the park, going to the gym or taking a dance class. This is a great way to work off any negative feelings.
12. Try to get enough sleep
Try to get enough sleep. Yes, I know, easier said than done when going through a divorce. But the sooner you get back into a good sleep routine, the more you will be able to cope with the stress of divorce and get back to normal.
13. Be positive and strong
Be positive, strong and flexible to help you recover from your divorce. While this may be difficult, habitually dwelling on the past weakens you emotionally so it will take you longer to recover.
14. Work on your recovery every day
When there is something important you want to achieve, you make time for it daily. It is the same thing when recovering from your divorce. Set aside time every day to focus on things you enjoy. This will help you to start feeling normal again. The more you do this, the quicker you will feel normal.
15. Understand the emotional triggers
Learn to understand your emotions and what triggers them. When you do, this helps you to quickly calm down. Divorce is a roller coaster ride of emotions. When you know why you feel the way you do, it helps you to avoid the triggers.
16. Work on your confidence
Divorce can give your confidence a hard knock. Just because things did not end well or as you thought, you still have wonderful qualities you can feel good about. Work out what it is you really like about yourself and remind yourself of these qualities every single day to help rebuild your self-confidence.
17. Be forgiving
It is tough to forgive your ex and yourself for your part in the marriage breakdown. Forgiveness does not mean you agree with what happened or your will forget. It means you release the past so it does not control your life anymore. You cannot forget, but learn from the experience so you make better choices moving forward.
These are just a few of the basic things you can do to recover from the mayhem of a divorce. There may be days you wake up and just want to pull the covers over your head as it is too hard to face the world. When this happens, remember why you want to recover from your divorce. It will motivate you to get out of bed to face the day no matter what you need to face. You can do it.
Some days will be easier than others, but as you continue to work on your recovery before you know it each day is easier than the last. Once you recover from the horrors of your divorce, you will realise you are more resilient and stronger than you thought.
There is help
If none of this helps or you feel you cannot cope alone, contact us to find out how I can help you to recover from a divorce. But, if you are in a crisis, call us immediately. We can help lift your spirits quickly so you cope with things better.
We can work with you in our Spas, over the phone or via Skype wherever you are in the world. Book in today for my Emotional Empowerment Program. I have an introductory offer for just $79 so you can start taking back control of your life to recover from divorce