Just like the lyrics of Love Hurts, abandonment and romantic rejection leaves you in emotional pain. But remember everyone goes through rejection or abandonment at some time in their lives.
Romantic rejection can feel like an arrow piercing your heart. It is physically painful. There can be devastating effects especially if you thought there was an instant connection and built a fantasy of a future together. Songwriters, poets, artists and playwrights have all shown what someone with a broken heart goes through only to be made whole again in the future. This type of rejection causes the heart, mind and brain to become guarded and protective towards people whether friends or loved ones.
This is one of the most painful experiences and scientific research shows the same part of the brain activates whether you are in emotional or physical pain. But, according to other research, reliving emotional pain causes more activity in the brain than reliving physical pain. Also, your brain finds it easier to recall the details of emotional pain than it does physical pain. This is why it hurts more to think about rejection and abandonment that it does a broken leg.
Signs you are affected by romantic rejection
The pain can be unbearable and you can think you will never recover and feel totally alone. Everyone deals with this differently. Some drink too much or take drugs to help numb the pain. Others dive down in to the depths of despair which results in low-self-esteem, depression and anxiety. You may even lock yourself away from the world and succumb to acute loneliness. None of these are solutions that will help you recover.
While the pain of a broken leg heals quickly, emotional pain can linger forever if you do not find a way to heal its effects. Are you or someone you know suffering from rejected love and abandonment? Here are some signs that can mean you have emotional wounds that need healing.
1. Grieving for what could have been
Are you grieving for what could have been? While this is a stage of grief, it needs healing so you can move on with your life. This is a sign of idealising the person who rejected and abandoned you. And grieving unnecessarily will stop you from learning from the experience so you do not repeat the mistakes of the past.
2. Feelings of not being good enough
It is common to have feelings of not being good enough. It is all too easy to blame yourself. And you can feel that others see you as being at fault after witnessing your abandonment. The pain of a broken heart that causes low self-esteem can make you believe no one can love you unless you are perfect.
3. No one will ever love me
Thinking no one will ever love you is triggering the anxious part of your brain. Do not fall into the trap for it is not true. This is a lie that anxiety echoes in your mind that has no basis in fact. Ignore this negative self-talk.
4. Loneliness of rejection and abandonment
Rejection and abandonment can make you feel alone. That no one can understand how you feel. You can push people away because you do not want to share your experience or burden them with your pain. Maybe you even feel they cannot understand.
10 Tips to help your survive rejection and abandonment
There are many simple ways to combat the emotions and loneliness you feel after romantic rejection.
1. Look after yourself
When you are in emotional pain and feel lonely, eating junk food can become your best friend and sleep will elude you as negative thoughts swirl around your head. So you need to look after yourself. Eat well and exercise so you can sleep well at night. Even practice mindfulness meditation to help balance your emotions. It will help combat your anxiety and depression. Download my free mindfulness audio program to help you meditate.
2. Avoid blaming yourself
Avoid blaming yourself. While it is a natural reaction to want to know what you did wrong and why you were not good enough, rejection is not your fault. There are many reasons why a partner can abandon you and leave you hurt and lonely. You may never know the reason so there is no point beating yourself up about the situation.
3. Share your joy
When you have a win that makes you feel good about yourself, share it with the world. Text or call a family member or friend, even share your joy on Facebook. It does not have to be anything big. It could be as simple as feeling good about yourself today. Sharing these moments shows you are not alone and will help overcome your loneliness.
4. Rebuild your happiness
Rebuild your happiness. Easier said than done, I know. But being happy will banish any feelings of loneliness. Seek positive people who leave you feeling good about yourself instead of spending time with those who bring you down. Even spend money on sharing experiences with family and friends. This is great for your mental health. Download my happiness ebook for lots of ideas on rebuilding your happiness.
5. Do not hide from how you feel
Do not hide from your feelings. Let yourself experience them so you can let any negative ones go. While you may worry the hurt will never end, it will get better. No matter how often or hard you cry, or how intense the pain, you will eventually stop crying and the pain will fade away.
6. Call on your support system
Call on your support system of family and friends even though you feel like withdrawing from the world. You may not have the energy to face life and want to hide in bed, but reaching out to others will help you feel better and alleviate some of the loneliness. Let people be there for you. They love and care for you and want to listen to how you feel and provide comfort. It may be your turn one day to comfort them.
7. Be the person you want to be
Be the person you want to be. Do not let romantic rejection steal your sense of self. It is easy to get caught up in the moment, and feel depression and anxiety that can bring fear of future rejection. Be who you really are with people—whether they are family, friends or strangers. It will help your loneliness and pain and people appreciate your honest approach. Being honest with others helps you be honest with yourself. This will attract more people into your circle of friends which means you will no long have a reason to feel lonely.
8. Change how you spend your spare time
After a rejection, you may retreat into a corner to hide from the world which can leave you feeling lonely. On the opposite end of the scale you may run yourself into the ground keeping busy to avoid feeling at all. Or you may choose to stay at home playing on social media and watching movies on Netflix which only amplifies your pain and sense of loneliness. What you are doing is creating a life that deprives you of any meaningful human interaction. Change the way you spend your spare time to change how you feel. Instead, use your loneliness to motivate you to reach out to others. Trying to cope alone only proves to yourself that you are unworthy and deserve to be lonely.
9. Talk to strangers
No matter how trivial the interactions, make the effort to talk with strangers. Whether it is a quick chat with the cashier or your waitress at a café, it will help you feel more connected. Smile at a stranger passing by or say good morning to someone you do not know. Ask them how they are today. This will take the edge from the pain you feel and reduce feeling alone.
10. Focus on what matters
Focus on the things that matter. Take notice of what is happening around you in the present moment. What heightens the pain of rejection? What experiences make you feel lonelier? Also think about what helps you feel more connected to the world and the people around you. Identifying these can help you feel better about yourself. Once you know what makes you feel lonely, depressed or anxious, limit these activities and situations. Instead, spend more time engaging in activities that boost your positive feelings and helps you feel connected.
We are here to help
Recovery after romantic rejection and abandonment takes patience, time and support. Most people cannot do it alone. If you are struggling, consider reaching out to us. When you are not coping, contact us to find out how we can help get your life back on track. But, if you or the person you are caring for is at crisis point, call us immediately. We are here to support you through a crisis and can help you quickly deal with things better.
We can work with you in our Spas, over the phone or via Skype. Book in today for my Emotional Empowerment Program. I have an introductory offer for just $79 so you can start taking back control of your life. We can support and help you cope with the anxiety, loneliness and depression that are the result of a broken heart. With our help, you can rebuild your life and look forward to a future filled with happiness and joy in weeks not months or even years.
Let me help stop the effects of mental health issues
My Emotional Empowerment has helped thousands of people like you deal with stress. With my help you can learn how to deal with rejected love and abandonment. We can help you move through and deal with your feelings and find ways to deal with your loneliness.
I can help you replace stress, depression and feelings of hopelessness with happiness, peace and contentment in weeks not years so you have a sense of purpose again. Have a listen to what Olivia has to say about my program after only a few sessions.